Lack of proprioception is a bitch when you're trying to exercise / "work out."

This is definitely a lifelong problem that "makes sense" once I started to realize I'm autistic… I'm an epic klutz. Door frames, table corners, things-at-knee-height, etc, are constantly MOVING and RUNNING INTO ME. 🙃 My parents can often be heard saying, "It's a good thing we didn't name you Grace!" (they love me, really) When I was performing in musicals, in spite of HOURS of rehearsal with CHOREOGRAPHED moves (so I just had to "learn" it, in theory, right?) I never really was good at the dancing part of it. (Opening night of Funny Girl — yes, I was Fanny Brice — after "Don't Rain On My Parade" closes Act 1, the choreographer pulled me aside backstage and hissed, "that wasn't my choreography!!" and I had a minor meltdown in my leading man's arms, bless him.) It's hard to explain — it's like I dissociate even MORE from my body when I'm trying to perform specific "moves." My vision goes tunnel, if not completely black. It's like I'm trying to focus so hard on moving my body the right way that I pull completely into myself.

So… for the gazillionth time, I'm trying to start and stick to a little exercise / workout regime. Vanity notwithstanding (that's another convo), 1) now that I'm sitting at a desk 40 hrs a week, I'm feeling old and achy 2) I don't want to be one of those 80-yr-olds who is doubled over and can't even lift their head because their bones and muscles are so weak / deteriorated. And the time to start preventing that is now.

But trying to follow along with the diagrams, I go into immediate brain-gears-grind-to-a-halt irritation when multiple limbs are involved, or even worse, opposing limbs doing opposing things. Like, my left leg is doing what while my right arm is doing what, what now? Videos are even worse because it's like… ok now I have to mentally mirror-flip the whole thing in my head. Can you do one facing AWAY from the camera so I can actually just literally follow along?! (No… I don't struggle with telling my left from my right… (I don't 'struggle' with wearing socks)… I just always have to mentally check which hand I write with. Every. Single. Time.)

Anyway. This has been a rant.

(Now, otoh, being a pianist, my HANDS are fine. I can pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time, I can do the switching-pointing-fingers while reciting-the-alphabet-alternating-with-numbers whole choir warmup thing. But my whole body?! Forget it.)