I already know I am the asshole for going, but I guess I just need to vent. So sorry, you get to read my vent.
I was asked by a friend who is also a minister to go to the local #Progressive #Religious Coalition’s #MLK service last night. The PRC and I have a history, but I thought maybe time had fixed the issues. Boy, was I wrong!
Backstory: I was an officer in the PRC about 5 years ago. My daughter, who is transgender, joined as well. Suddenly, one of the members became outspoken in her dislike of transgender individuals. She also decided to come out as a racist. She would make comments that “real women” believe this or that and when my daughter would speak up she would reiterate that “real women” disagreed. She would make comments that my daughter was only #transgender because it was a fad. And that she was harming younger kids in her high school by being transgender. All of this said in front of my daughter.
Then there was the #racism. The PRC was planning a healing service in the anniversary of the race riots in Augusta GA and she commented that we needed to stop talking about all this race crap because it made black people feel justified in their “victimhood”.
That was over the span of two meetings that ALL of this happened. So at the next executive committee meeting, I raised my concerns with there being a racist bigot in this “Progressive” organization. I was told there was no litmus test for membership and that this was not the time or place to discuss it. At the next general meeting, I again raised the concern after this individual decided that she would voice that she supported ending Roe v Wade and then tried to explain the Torah, as a Southern Baptist, to a Jewish Rabbi.
Once again I was told it was not the time or place.
Finally, at the annual retreat, I tried to discuss it again. People in the retreat started to shout me down and tell me I was being a misogynist for calling out this woman’s bigotry, racism and misogyny. It got so bad that one of the very few gay ministers chimed in to “set the record straight.” He said that the “gay community still hasn’t decided if trans people belong in the community.” That seemed to settle the issue for the PRC. I resigned on the spot and left.
Several attempts by the PRC to get me to come back occurred. Each time I was delivered a list of requirements that included a public apology by me for “my abusive behavior” and some form of counseling or anger management program vetted and approved by the PRC. Each time I refused.
The woman who spread bigotry, racism and misogyny? She is still a member in good standing.
Fast forward to last night. My friend did not show. He took ill and forgot to let me know. So there I was. One of the founders of the PRC asked me to sit with the other ministers on the stage. At first I refused, but he kept insisting. I now realize that my friend who took ill was the only Queer minister on the stage. So without him, the #lgbtqia community was not represented. So that is most likely why I was asked to sit with them.
Dr. Stacey Floyd-Thomas from #Vanderbilt University was the keynote and she hit it out of the park! But her message also caused me to reflect. She spoke about our duty to stand up against injustice. To speak out against hypocrisy. To stand up for the marginalized. You know, all the things King and progressives should do. I was convicted for sitting with these people knowing they continued to protect a racist bigot. Dr. Floyd-Thomas gushed about how inclusive and diverse the PRC was. I was sick to my stomach.
At the end, the current President of the PRC made a beeline for me. She shook my hand and asked if I was coming to the dinner afterwards. I calmly told her no, and that I made a mistake sitting up there with them. I said good night and started to walk away. She grabbed my arm and started to demand to know what I meant. I explained that we could talk later, but she would not take no for an answer.
I explained the above to her, which she knew because she was at these meetings. Rather than address any of it, she walked away. I was then ganged up on by two other ministers. One a therapist and PCUSA minister and the other a Hospital Chaplain who is Southern Baptist. They were pissed and said this was not the time or place to discuss this. The chaplain started getting angry and saying his dad was in a nursing home and that was his only concern right now and I was ruining a good night. All of this gaslighting.
The President then approached my daughter to “apologize”. However, the apology was forced and very angry sounding. She told my daughter that we need to move on and stop dwelling in the past. My daughter said that if they would have apologized and made changes, then we would have moved on. The President angrily said, “That’s what I am trying to do.”
This has left my daughter and I very upset and has likely ended several friendships in the local Progressive community. Thanks for reading.