From Guilt and Shame
to Self-Compassion
By Myra Walden
"Are feelings of guilt and shame necessary to learn from mistakes? I believe they are not. We have been conditioned to think that these emotions are valuable to help people grow. In reality, they contribute to low self-esteem and can result in depression, anxiety, addictions, and troubled relationships. Sometimes, we become mired in a cycle of self-condemnation followed by self-justification. Or we get stuck in self-judgment indefinitely. At times, we defend against guilt and shame by denying responsibility for our actions in an attempt to preserve self-respect.
I propose that the natural mechanism for learning from mistakes is regret, which leads to mourning and growth. Nonviolent Communication provides us with an elegant process to learn from actions we lament."
