Lmst

How can we build connection and engagement with the people with whom we work? By giving up control over the choices they're offered.

https://www.conferencesthatwork.com/index.php/event-design/2017/01/to-build-connection-and-engagement-at-events-give-up-control

#meetings #EventDesign #GivingUpControl #choices #connection #engagement #eventprofs

build connection and engagement: photograph of a square yellow plastic sign clamped to a wire mesh fence. The pink sign says "CONTROLLED AREA" with a radioactivity symbol underneath.

When Letting Go Becomes the Doorway to Grace

DID YOU KNOW

Scripture is remarkably honest about the human struggle for control. From the earliest family narratives to the teachings of Jesus, the Bible exposes how deeply bent we are toward managing outcomes, securing advantage, and asserting our will—often in the name of survival, fairness, or even faithfulness. The passages gathered here—Genesis 30, Matthew 22:23–23:36, and Ecclesiastes 7:6–12—invite us to see control not merely as a personality trait but as a spiritual posture. When read together, they reveal a sobering truth: much of our conflict with others is actually resistance toward God’s governance of our lives. Yet these same texts also offer a hopeful alternative—one rooted in trust, patience, and love rightly ordered.

Did You Know that the struggle for control often disguises itself as righteousness or desperation rather than pride?

Genesis 30 is filled with people who believe they are justified in their actions. Rachel’s cry, “Give me children, or I shall die!” (Genesis 30:1), sounds like desperation, not arrogance. Leah’s bargaining for Jacob’s affection appears understandable, given her neglect. Laban’s manipulation of wages and livestock seems clever rather than cruel. Yet beneath each action is a shared assumption: that life will not unfold rightly unless they force it to. Pride rarely announces itself as vanity; more often it appears as urgency. The Hebrew narrative does not excuse these behaviors, but it does explain them by showing how control becomes a substitute for trust.

What is striking is that God is neither absent nor hurried in this chapter. The text repeatedly pauses human maneuvering to note divine action: “God listened to Leah” and “God remembered Rachel” (Genesis 30:17, 22). These phrases signal that outcomes belong to God, not to the most persistent or strategic person in the room. Ecclesiastes echoes this wisdom when it reminds us that “patience is better than pride” (Ecclesiastes 7:8). Control often grows where patience has been abandoned. Scripture gently exposes that what we call determination may actually be fear wearing religious language.

Did You Know that competition with others often reveals a deeper conflict with God’s authority rather than relational disagreement?

In Genesis 30, the rivalry between Rachel and Leah dominates the narrative, but the text subtly reframes the true battleground. The sisters believe they are wrestling with one another, yet the narrator repeatedly shows that fertility, blessing, and timing remain firmly in God’s hands. The Hebrew word zakar—“remembered”—used of God remembering Rachel, implies covenantal attention, not delayed reaction. God was never disengaged; He was sovereignly patient. The sisters’ striving did not speed God’s plan; it only increased relational pain.

Jesus addresses this same misalignment in Matthew 22 when He centers all obedience in the Great Commandment: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). Only then does love of neighbor find its proper shape. When love for God is displaced by self-preservation or control, relationships inevitably become competitive. Jesus’ confrontation of the religious leaders in Matthew 23 exposes how control can even cloak itself in moral authority. Their problem was not ignorance of the law but resistance to surrender. They sought to manage righteousness rather than receive it.

Did You Know that impatience with others is often fueled by forgetting how patient God has been with us?

Ecclesiastes offers a wisdom perspective that deepens the Genesis narrative. “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride” (Ecclesiastes 7:8). This verse does not deny frustration or suffering; it reorders perspective. When we rush outcomes, we elevate ourselves into the role of judge and savior, roles Scripture never assigns to us. Impatience is rarely about time alone; it is about distrust in God’s process.

Jesus’ teaching reinforces this when He rebukes religious leaders who burden others while excusing themselves (Matthew 23:4). They demanded transformation without offering mercy, forgetting that God’s own dealings with humanity are marked by longsuffering. When we remember how often God has withheld judgment, extended grace, and worked slowly for our good, our posture toward others begins to soften. Patience becomes not weakness but alignment with God’s character.

Did You Know that surrendering control does not diminish purpose but clarifies it?

One of the quiet fears behind relinquishing control is the belief that life will lose direction. Scripture suggests the opposite. When God is acknowledged as the primary actor, human purpose becomes clearer, not smaller. The Great Commandment simplifies what control complicates. Loving God fully re-centers desire; loving others rightly flows from that re-centering. Control fragments attention; surrender integrates it.

Genesis 30 ends not with resolution of family conflict but with the steady continuation of God’s covenant plan. Despite manipulation, rivalry, and impatience, God remains faithful. This does not excuse human behavior, but it does reassure the reader that God’s purposes are not fragile. Ecclesiastes reminds us that wisdom often sounds quieter than ambition but leads to greater stability (Ecclesiastes 7:11–12). Letting go is not passivity; it is participation in a larger, wiser governance than our own.

As you reflect on these passages, consider where control has subtly replaced trust in your own life. Are there relationships where competition has crowded out compassion? Are there outcomes you are forcing rather than praying into God’s care? Scripture does not call us to abandon responsibility, but it does invite us to release outcomes. When we submit first to loving God with all that we are, we discover that loving others becomes less burdensome and more truthful. God’s patience with us becomes the soil in which patience with others can finally grow.

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