(If it makes you feel uncomfortable that I'm bringing Christianity into this, there — look there! — and go deeper.)
(ESPECIALLY if your urge is to reply, "But ALL religion!" No. Stop and unpack what is making you say that. The thing you're trying to avoid is lurking inside you, and will continue to until you confront it.)
🧵
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult
An unexamined sense of superiority is definitely part of this. I became woke when I realized that while I believed in equality, I didn't act towards equality. That my thoughts and dismissals came from a deeper sense of superiority I didn't realize. Aka "intrinsic biases."
When I learned to trust those I was looking down on, I stopped looking down on them according to my programming. I became more free. I realized they cannot be freed (nor I, as I discovered) via the current neoliberal model.
Because no matter how progressive, our entire civilization is built upon colonization. There is no position of morality as a moderate within a culture with colonization at its foundation.
(And that goes back, in an unbroken chain, to the Roman Empire, carried upon the cross of Christianity.)
🧵
#AbuseCulture #deconditioning #decolonization #WhitenessIsACult
IDEOLOGIES: When We Unconsciously Let Them Define Our Identity and Shape Our Reality
Most people walk through life carrying identities that were handed to them by culture, religion, and society — never questioning how these inherited ideologies shape their reality.
This piece sheds light on how awakening begins the moment you start examining the beliefs you’ve been living by.
#Ideologies #Identity #SelfAwareness #ConsciousLiving #PersonalGrowth #Deconditioning #Mindset
Full article 👇
Dreading the onslaught of microaggressions at your upcoming holiday family gathering?
Try Watisdatsupozedamine!™*
* Use as directed. Ask your doctor if Watsidatsupozedamine?™ is right for you.
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults
My last and most important tip:
This process will very, very quickly out people who are abusers and bullies at heart. Who love the hating part of being fash. They deep-down consider themselves superior, and wet their pantaloons over imagining the horrors that are happening and will continue to happen. You will have few, if any, values in common with such a person. And they cannot be changed.
My guess is (and some studies show) that about 1 in 10 people fall somewhere in this category. Asking questions is the best way to discover who they are.
And when they tell you who they are, listen.
Aside from your own scientific curiosity about what makes such people tick, there is absolutely no productive discussion that can come from continuing to speak with a person like this. You will only hurt yourself and whoever is in earshot.
So if you get to this point? Stop. Eat more stuffing and talk about sportsball.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults
Remember, you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. These are not academic debates among people who have agreed on certain epistemological rules. This is the realm of rhetoric and persuasion, an area we on the scientific left have neglected because it's "irrational," and thus ceded entire territories because we're not willing to be humble and meet people on their own turf. This is some western white colonizer shite that I'm in the process of unpacking myself.
You're not committing a logical fallacy by talking about feelings. We are feeling creatures.
You're not being unreasonable by trying to understand what feels to you an unreasonable position. You are connecting to another human for the purpose of communication.
You aren't winning points on a scoreboard! Congratulations! In the contest of being the most correct and in alignment with reality, you won years ago! Now stop waving your prize in front of everyone and learn to humanize – not just them, but yourself and every marginalized person you are trying to protect.
But neither is this process about excusing fash behavior or prioritizing fragile privileged feelings above the realities of those marginalized! You're not letting anyone off the hook. In fact, you're putting the person on the hook in a way that allows them to confront their own internal world.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults
Example Questions Part 3:
Could there be a good reason for that?
Do you know the context of why it was decided that way?
How does that work exactly? Walk me through it.
What would happen if....
How many [queer, PoC, those affected by a certain policy, etc] people do you know / have you talked to / have you heard out about this topic that affects them?
What do you really know about that worldview from the perspective of people who hold it?
Can you explain to me what you think that worldview is?
Can you explain to me the reasons people might believe that?
Why are you afraid of [n]?
Do you think [n] should be illegal?
What’s the difference between ____?
How do you reconcile [stated value] with [stated position that is apparently in conflict]?
Do you believe that everyone should have to earn or prove their right to exist? (If no, then explore how various practices and normal realities of this society require earning or proving a right to exist.)
Can all people be said to be free if some are not free?
Do you think your freedom should come at the cost of someone else's freedom?
Do you think your comfort should come at the cost of someone else's comfort?
Why do you think some people think that's racist?
Do you think that's fair?
Why do you think that's far?
What do you mean by that?
Can you expound?
What are your reasons for believing that?
What would you like to know about my worldview? (If they don't want to know anything, ask them, why not?)
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults
Example Questions Part 2:
What is truth?
How do you know what is true?
Why do you trust [n] information source?
Why do you distrust opposing information sources?
[Questions that get at the root of trust are great at destabilizing trust in bad actors. P.S. It is morally ok to mistrust someone!]
Do you think your sources might be keeping information away from you that would change your mind?
Why do you need that to be true?
How would you know if you are wrong?
What would happen if you are wrong? How would that feel? How would you cope with that?
What evidence would convince you that your conclusions are incorrect?
What do you think might convince me of your position?
If you were being manipulated, how would you know?
What makes you different from people who are being manipulated? Why would you know and they wouldn’t?
How do you define "manipulation"? How does it work?
Do you feel like you've worked hard and did everything right and now you're not getting what you were promised?
Where is the line for deciding [n – who deserves a safety net, what the optimal rate of taxation is, punishment for a specific crime, who gets to immigrate, what someone's gender is, etc]?
Who should decide [n] and why?
...for who? (Safe for who? Good for who? Profitable for who? Efficient for who?)
Who benefits the most from that?
How do you benefit from this situation/policy/value/talking point?
What's in it for them?
Who do you think is incentivized to be behind [n]?
What does that rule incentivize?
What outcome would you like to see?
By what standards will you measure the outcome?
When [historical law passed or action taken] happened, what did you think the outcome would be? Did that come to pass?
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults
Example Questions Part 1:
These questions are just a guide. In the discussion, you will adapt them or think of your own most appropriate to the direction of the conversation.
The biggest question for *yourself* is: What would make this person believe that?
That's you fostering YOUR OWN curiosity and you trying to solve YOUR dissonance over your loved one's difficult stance.
–
When in doubt, channel your inner toddler and ask "Why?"
Ask for their definitions of basic concepts or values they’ve expressed.
What is your definition of:
Fairness?
Freedom?
Love?
Kindness?
Equality?
Rationality?
Justice?
Rights?
Power?
Good?
Evil?
Morality?
Responsibility?
etc.
What is the role or purpose of:
Taxes?
Laws?
Regulations?
Investment?
Property?
Infrastructure?
Conflict of interest?
Safety nets?
Police?
Public health?
etc.
What would you say your top 5 standards/values are for deciding your political positions?
What are the benefits of [thing they disagree with]?
What are some downsides of [thing they agree with]?
Could those benefits be accomplished another way, without the downsides?
Do you think most people are [trait – smart, good or evil, responsible, etc]?
Why would someone do something like [a bad behavior they have described]?
What would you do in their situation?
Do you think nothing like that could happen to you? Why?
Do you think everyone in a bad situation deserves it? What percentage?
I assume most people are smart or act reasonably within their own experience. Why would a smart person make a stupid decision like that?
Why do you think you know more about how to solve their problems than the people who are in the situation?
Why do you think they're mad?
When did you first learn that? Who taught that to you? How old were you? Have you revisited those assumptions?
What is truth?
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults
Tips Part 2:
If they become defensive, you have stepped into their "psychological inoculation" or a conditioned reaction against that line of thinking. Defensiveness is a cognitive dissonance reaction, a sign to STOP that approach and try something new. If you find yourself "arguing" or feeling anxious or upset, it is time to change directions, take a break, or stop for now.
Follow up questions with more questions, like the question game. "What do you mean by...?" You can make statements or clarify your own position, but try to stick with questions and give them as much of the floor as possible.
It's counterintuitive, but questions put you in control of the flow of discussion, even though they will do most of the speaking. If they're answering, they're THINKING. This is 1000x better than preaching.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults
Tips Part 1:
You have the right to consent to a conversation, and thus, to the direction of the conversation.
Questions let you direct the discussion. You do not need to follow their obvious line of argument or jump to the obvious rebuttal. Manipulators in society have control of the larger "conversation," so pick a different path than what is expected!
Foster a genuine sense of curiosity in yourself so that the questions feel (and are) sincere. Remember that you are on "their side" as a person rather than against them as an ideological opponent.
Avoid "gotchas" and the sweet consonance of "being right." Eventually, contradictions will arise, but do not gloat, and use questions (like "How do you reconcile [x] with [y]?" or "How does that fit with what you said earlier about [z]?") to get them to see it themselves rather than an epic mic-drop.
Be sure to express when you agree with part or all of their answers. This builds bonds, reduces antagonism (us vs them), helps pinpoint specifically where the disagreement is, and most importantly, gives them the emotional reward of cognitive consonance for finding common ground with you.
Dig beyond surface-level conclusions, and instead go deep, to the fundamentals that underlie their thinking. The process will help bypass their unquestioned assumptions, circumvent their defenses, and help them make new connections and explore aspects of their position they have never thought about before.
🧵
#Thanksgiving #AbuseCulture
#AskQuestions
#deconditioning
#cults
Given the upcoming US holiday, I'm going to boost some of my old threads on the topic of political discussions with those you disagree.
Remember, stay curious, ask questions, and stick to core values!
And I'm going to create a new thread here with some unpublished tips and example questions! These will range through both political and religious [mostly political], but they will give you an idea of what provokes thought and productive discussion.
🧵
#AbuseCulture #AskQuestions #deconditioning #cults #Thanksgiving
Poking fun at "Perfectionism," as in "Loool those religious nuts are sure not perfect!" is not the easy win you think it is.
I've gotten this type of flippant comment a few times recently when I've been trying to address serious topics to help religiously conditioned folks unpack bigotry (which requires some level of safety).
First off, victims of mind control are abuse victims who have been traumatized. Fine to criticize the harmful ways cult victims act, but our programming runs deep and hurts us too.
Perfectionism is a long-standing school of religious philosophy embedded in American culture, even in secular and corporate American culture.
Outside of very specific situations (engineering, concert piano, competition), "perfection" cannot really be defined, so it is an insidiously high standard that can never be achieved. It is a high-demand religious (and corporate) manipulation tool, and also one used by domestic abusers, to justify punishment and to continually move the goalposts, creating a sense of "perpetual inadequacy" in its targets.
Very not fun.
There are studies on how toxic and damaging perfectionism, as a lifestyle, can be. For those of us recovering from toxic perfectionism, it has caused us serious emotional, mental, and physical health issues, and is incredibly difficult to overcome.
For those of us who were programmed with this pressure as guide to the very way of living life, for which the consequences of failure were rejection for eternity by our families and God, the "lol lol they sure aren't perfect" line is punching down. Honestly, in a triggering way.
Instead, punch up at the bastards who made us believe in this crap. They're the true benefactors, and the true cause of this kind of thinking on such a large and deep scale.
This applies to any other form of bigotry you may have been programmed with.
If you are reading this and relate to any of it and want to be less bigot, you can free yourself by deconditioning.
Become aware of this dynamic within you. Become aware of any emotional reactions you have as you move through the world. Watch your inner life. Pause when you find yourself becoming defensive. (If there's little time and you're very reactive, just say, "Interesting. Thank you. I'll need to think about this." You're allowed to step away to process, or change subjects.)
Over time, dig to find a "woopsie, my bad" mistake-level within you, between the extremes you were programmed with. Foster that feeling. "I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from this and move on."
Practice. You can practice using those embarrassing moments you think of while trying to fall asleep. "Gosh that sure was embarrassing! Even after all these years I feel like I'm going to die when I remember that. But I know people who did embarrassing things and I'm still their friend."
Work to reframe and establish this middle ground, so that when it's a marginalized person commenting on your behavior, you have a calm, safe, receptive place inside to land.
That's probably the end of the thread. My breakfast got cold! Have a great Saturday, or whatever day it is for you in the future.
🧵
Now you, the sincere follower, go about your life in the real world with this package of malware in your head.
You're eventually going to say something racist in mixed company. And you're going to be called out on it. By someone who isn't a recognized religious or political authority.
Suddenly you're triggered. You can't just be, "woopsie, my bad." You're not going to be receptive or teachable. Because you've been moved to the 100% bad box. Even though the person who gently mentioned it in order to help you be the good person you think you are only wanted a woopsie level of response.
All that going to hell stuff, being cut off from your community and God's presence, all of that baggage comes along with a pressing, dire, life-or-death need to defend yourself, all the roles you've been traumatized in religious contexts, that is with you now, not the person who called you out. These are the only alternatives of being for you:
1. Chosen pure moral Christian, the only keeper and defender of all that is good and right in the world.
or
2. Depraved Satan-spawn of unworthy, unclean wickedness who is definitely going to hell, oh and God hates you.
Since you heard that racist thing from a respected religious or political authority, who is definitely in box #1, then the problem here *couldn't possibly* be the racist thing you said that has put you in this terrifying emotional predicament. No, it must be that your accuser is wrong. THEY'RE the wicked one. Maybe they're even the racist. How dare they! Now I must frantically prove that *I'm* not the racist. Maybe by repeating more things that my covert racist pastor or home teacher said.
This is your only way out. Because of your conditioning.
These are the puppet strings that are on the minds of vast numbers of white American Christians.
[Sorry for the pronoun jumping. Bad form. I just want to get this written; consider it a first draft. I know what you mean.]
🧵
I've been inspired by some thoughts this morning about why white people can get extra defensive about bigotry.
It's not white guilt.
It's white *Christian* guilt.
There's no level of wrongdoing that's "woopsie, I did a bad" in much of white American Christianity. The way I was raised, you're either 100% a good person or 100% bad. My religion put me alternatingly either in one box or the other, a package of cult techniques known as "Elitism" and the whole "Demand for Purity" [I originally wrote Perfection, which isn't the official term, but applies the same] to "Shame & Guilt" to "Dispensing of Existence" pipeline, a cycle I describe in my book, Recovering Agency. You're either one of God's beloved chosen to fight the wicked in the Last Days, or you're an unworthy piece of crap that God can't even stand to be around and you're going to suffer die.
I've also written in my book and described on podcasts the idea of the "pseudopersonality" created by cults in their followers. Your identity becomes so entangled in the group identity,l that the very thought of leaving or being disowned feels like a death threat. Who am I even, if not Mormon? But I have to do all these things to be Mormon. So a believer shapes their self-image and ego around the organization and its beliefs.
As you can maybe see, being a "good person" becomes directly tied to one's sense of safety. Combined with the ongoing spiritual trauma from these and other sources within the group, any hint that one is NOT a good person, particularly coming from anyone other than recognized authority, becomes a deeply conditioned trauma response.
Then the group introduces racist ideas in the context of religious teachings, but also teaches that the religion ISN'T racist. In fact, your group is the only beacon of real love in a wicked, Satanic world... ("Sacred Science", etc)
🧵
Every day, fearlessly, with no topic off limits for exploration, earnestly ask yourself...
"What if I'm wrong?"
And once you've steered the conversation and gotten them on record hating billionaires, then you move in with the thought-provoking questions that subvert their thoughts-terminating clichés:
"Don't you think it would benefit billionaires to use their money on propaganda across decades to get you to think 'socialism' is the real enemy, to detract attention away from the harms they've been causing society all along? Wouldn't that be a great way to trick the public into continually lowing *their* taxes, without lowering yours?"
Unraveling: A Zine
I made my first zine today because I was bored and needed a vent. If you want a copy of your own, it’s free to download over here!
I hope you enjoyed this zine! I had a lot of fun making it.
-Castor
#art #batshittery #chronicIllness #CommunityCare #deconditioning #DigitalArt #healing #hyperindependence #MadMastodon #MadStudies #mentalhealth #perfectionism #zine
The Himbo Who Sauntered To Earth
Well, hello, everyone. This won’t be the typical sort of post you may have gotten used to seeing here on Open Sorcery. First, these are somewhat unprecedented circumstances.
A few weeks ago, it was discovered that not every headmate in the system decided to integrate. Most of them did. However, we found out that River had constructed an integration-proof bomb shelter deep within the headspace in the event of circumstances such as this, and he and a handful of others elected to not integrate. To that end, the system is only approximately 92% integrated. I am, if you haven’t guessed, dear reader, not Lazarus, either. Call me Theo. Rather than hole up in a bomb shelter for heaven knows how long, however, I am a relatively recent addition to the system.
I joined to help Laz get a damn break. They’ve been puzzling through a great deal of stress and processing enormous volumes of trauma in a very short time, and frankly, although they’re making excellent progress sorting through things like burnout recovery, they need a hand. They are exhausted.
They figured out a few days ago that if they take ibuprofen and acetomenophen in tandem with their other meds and supplements, not only are they nearly completely pain free most of the time, but their brain fog and fatigue is almost completely gone, as well. This left them with an overwhelming amount of information they suddenly had access to, and while they were making good time processing it, the sheer amount of information in their mind alone was beginning to overwhelm and distress them. So I stepped in at their request, and we have been switching in and out of front when one of us gets too tired to maintain front directly or when one of us is better suited for a certain task.
So far, I have been attempting to categorize some of the information in this mind to make it more easy for Lazarus to work with. They have described lugging it all around as having “the Library of Alexandria in their head, except it’s all bunched up and interconnected with itself to such a degree that it’s impossible to even start to know where one topic begins or ends.” The sheer amount of interconnected, associated knowledge paralyzes them when it comes time to blog or even do something they know they would love, therefore keeping them trapped in a sinkhole of executive dysfunction and anxiety. I hope that if I can make heads or tails of it or at least start by doing something that isn’t nothing with all of it, it may make it easier for them to work with it all at the level they want to as they regain strength over time. I’ve also been taking on more of the physical self care tasks they normally can’t do because by some miracle, it’s easier for me and it doesn’t appear to drain me nearly as badly to attempt or complete them, so hopefully things become less of an anxiety hell for the system overall as time goes on.
Laz has taken to calling me “the himbo who sauntered to Earth” because I keep pulling stunts in headspace to try and make them laugh. So far it’s just made them grumble at me, so I’ve given them more space. I don’t think putting a manhole cover on my head IMMEDIATELY after they said that I idle at Mach Jesus and making faces at them was the best idea in hindsight.
Ah, well. I am doing my best to learn.
Lazarus’ reaction every time he sees me at this point, I swear.I look forward to posting more, but for now, I think I am going to dissociate into music or something for the time being and possibly nap. It was a pleasure to meet all of you. As Lazarus says, stay tuned for more magic!
-Theo xx
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#academics #alchemist #alchemy #alters #deconditioning #headspace #MachJesus #memes #processingTrauma #weWantADamnVacation
