Logan Five Thousand

I'm funny on Thursdays between 2pm and 5pm PST.

Sometimes I pretend I’m Mark Ruffalo.

Former sketch/improv person. I love #Taskmaster, #OnePunchMan, and #Boundless (the endurance race show).

Pro LGBTQIA+, BLM, anything that involves not being an a-hole.

I often toot late so select the notification bell if you don’t want to miss any of the 2am zingers.

Pronouns: he/him/his (cis-het, married)

#humor
#humour
#comedy
#jokes
#dadjokes
#puns
#writing
#improv
#standup
#fedi22

Alt Text: Avatar
Big Foot but kind of handsome in a hairy way
Alt Text: Header
Scene from Attack All Monsters with Godzilla and a Monster Battle Royale!
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Logan Five ThousandLoganFive@beige.party
2026-02-06

I’d kind of prefer a death couch.

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Logan Five ThousandLoganFive@beige.party
2026-02-06

A Tree

I kind of want to be a tree. I want to be accepted for staying where I am and just being. Not expected to become a different tree with more leaves and a “better” tree title.

And maybe my growth is only seasonal. Maybe, sometimes, I’m just trying to survive the winter, and no one expects me to be in perpetual spring. And as my leaves color the landscape and capture your eyes, I show you there can be beauty in withering, even in death. I show you that you can still love me even when I struggle, or fail.

And people just accept me, as a tree. As me.

#poetry

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Logan Five ThousandLoganFive@beige.party
2026-02-06

I will ask you what you think about death while we get an ice cream together.

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Logan Five ThousandLoganFive@beige.party
2026-02-06

If death doesn't come for you within the first 30 minutes, your dying is free.

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Logan Five ThousandLoganFive@beige.party
2026-02-06

"Why did you sting me?" cried the frog to the scorpion, both slowly drowning. "I will die now but so will you."
And the scorpion said, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
UnderthehighwatermarcUnderthehighwatermarkc
2026-02-06

My tree produced two cacao pods and I've made chocolate from them after fermenting, roasting and grinding.
I don't eat sugar so it's just straight cacao with a pinch of pink salt.
The tree now has six new pods so when those are ready I'll go pick some ohelo berries to dry and add for a sweet chocolate.
They were roasted until blackened, but I didn't get a pic of that stage.

Raw cacao beans roasted and turned into chocolate.Roasting beansHomemade chocolate
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
2026-02-06
three panel même. the top shows Frodo Baggins looking at Gandalf, saying "I wish so much unbelievably stupid shit had not happened in my time"
Gandalf: so do all who live to see such times
Gandalf again: this is all exceptionally stupid, though
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
El Fotoliptófono 🐘fotoliptofono
2026-02-06

@Fruan lol timeline

at top a post by Shawn "Fruan" Poulsen with handle @Fruan@kind.social and it reads:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"Yeah. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck." said Gandalf. 
has 126 reposts and 158 likes.

bellow a post by Jason Lefkowitz with handle @jalefkowit@vmst.io and it  reads:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“Lol,” said Gandalf, “lmao even”
has 40 reposts and 41 likes.
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
tools for commensality 🧿inquiline@assemblag.es
2026-02-06

💥 Adopt a Day Labor Corner

"Here’s what we are asking: Find out where day laborers and other immigrant workers in your community are at risk of harassment and arrest. Go there and commit to showing up regularly."

Toolkit and more info: ndlon.org/adopt-a-day-labor-co

#NDLON #unions #ICE #immigration #uspol

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Cherri :blubcatsmug: 🌸cheri@snug.moe
2026-02-06

oh huh what a realisation. when you're an artist and trans, having drawn for a long time and you realize that the girl you've been drawing many years ago actually wasn't some random girl, you intended her to be you but you didn't admit it.

Logan Five ThousandLoganFive@beige.party
2026-02-06

@maxleibman Sometimes it’s about them not you. That’s their issue.

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
2026-02-06

Putting out a #Fedihired request to the Fediverse: my wife Kourtney is looking for work. Part time (or piecework of some kind), remote, flexible or asynchronous hours are preferred (though she would definitely be available for calls/meetings as needed). Located in the U.S.

For the past several years, she has juggled our children and a part-time professional photography business. Prior to that, she has worked as a legal assistant to attorneys in a couple of different family law practices (note: as an assistant, not a paralegal), and has done reception and office management work previously as well. She has a BA in English.

If you have a part-time need for any of those skillsets or know someone who does, please get in touch! And even if you don't, as always in these situations, please boost for reach. Thank you!

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Cat 🐈🥗 (D.Burch) :paw:⁠:paw:catsalad@infosec.exchange
2026-02-06

When you look into the void, the void looks back...

Photo of a black doormat with two green cat eyes from a black kitty staring back. The void kitty is completely camouflaged on the rug, except for its cute eyes.
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Fesshole 🧻fesshole
2026-02-06

Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Glasgow, Leicester, Luton, Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: sites.google.com/view/fesshole

My brother split up with his girlfriend, and removed her from the family WhatsApp. But we all really like her, so we created a new group with her, but without him. This has now become the main family WhatsApp.

Fesshole GOLD from 9th November 2020
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
Chris Silverman 🌻csilverman
2026-02-06
A gray, stone statue wearing a suit and tie stands waist deep in the snow under a gray sky. The statue is partly covered with snow, and has a few small cracks in it. It is taking a selfie, holding its stone phone up in front of its face and smiling. The painting is signed "Chris Silverman".
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
sezduck :clubtwit:sezduck@twit.social
2026-02-06

Chicken Teriy-okay

#MediocreMeals
#HashtagGames

Logan Five ThousandLoganFive@beige.party
2026-02-06

@gikkt Where can we watch this?

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
2026-02-06

I hope you have a nice night.
I hope you look at the stars with wonder.
I hope you're never lost in the catacombs without a lantern.
I hope you're always able to find room for one more book on your bookshelves.
I hope you feel at home in the forest, because you're always welcome there.

Logan Five Thousand boosted:
President of the United States. A face the colour of a chainsmokers fingers. Here we see the big twat looming at a tiny building in his palm. Is it Ai? It seems more like photoshop but who can tell these days.Derek Zoolander male model with an IQ significantly north of trumps. Here we see him gesturing to a model building in a scene where he famously fails to grasp that it is a scale model and asks 'what is this, a center for ants?'.
Logan Five Thousand boosted:
2026-02-06

We're all trying to get by, in our own way.
And if your way involves books, strong tea, and secret meetings with the old gods in the mossy end of the forest, so much the better.

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